SHEVIL KNEVILS- 73 points vs RUSHIN ROLLETTES- 72 points
Yowza, what a historic match for the Bruisers! The Knevils, who haven’t won a bout in two seasons won by a single point against the Rollettes, who haven’t lost a bout in two seasons! The Knevils dedicated their game to their recently deceased namesake, “Evel” Knievel, who died November 30, and surely his spirit was watching over them tonight. The entire team was in good form and played an aggressive game all around, led by high scoring jammers , The Eviscerator (29 points), Punch Kisser (17 points), and Trash Talkin Tina (14 points).
The Rollettes were down four jammers (Boner, Dr. Hari Huha, Holly DeClaw, and Reina Pain) and perhaps overcompensated by playing too aggressively, with players constantly being sent to the penalty box, spreading a thin line up thinner.
The weight of the scoring fell to Smirk Savage (20 points), Fly Girl (the high scorer of the night with 36 points), and Jackie O’Nihilate (16 points).
Early on Terror Lapinski checked Smirk Savage out of the way, and Captain Becky the Butcher and Trash Talkin Tina took leading jams. Pound Anya was quickly sent to the penalty box, the first of four times, with a total of 17 penalties.
Last jam before the half, Punch Kisser called it without being lead jammer, but the Knevils were still just down by one point.
About five jams in and the announcers said the penalty box looked like a clown car. True. Between the fifth and sixth jams it was visited by Becky the Butcher, Gogo Atari, Jesse Jameson, Jailhouse Roxie, Pound Anya, Poptart, and Smirk Savage, a good percentage of the Rollettes.
“Yeah, the Rollettes had their own personal VIP suite to view the game...it was located in the penalty box!” said Rollette Fidela Castrate.
Irrational Velvet started a jam solo, and The Eviscerator skated a brilliant jam. I’ve never seen the crowd go crazy like when it was announced that Knevils had sealed it with one point and “Don’t Stop Believe’n” by Journey blared on the loudspeakers.
“I wasn’t able to skate due to my injury, but I would like to say how proud I am of my teammates in their much deserved win! And by the way I wasn’t crying there was something in my eye.” Knevils co-Captain Sugar Tank told me.
CRAZY 8’S- 66 points vs MAIDEN MILWAUKEE- 62 points
The 8’s and the Maidens had another close match, and both teams have a 2-2 record this season. Throughout the game the two teams were never more than a few points behind each other. The 8’s showed a tough defense, denying Maiden hotshot jammers like Romaniac and Grace Killy from breaking through the pack early in the game. The 8’s high scoring jammers , Pabsty Cline (21 points), Abba Zabba (20 points), and Captain Cookie Ciano (19 points) matched up well with Maiden jammers Rejected Seoul (29 points), Romaniac (15 points) and a large number of Maiden jammers who scored smaller amounts.
The game remained close. Rejected Seoul jammed solo, but was sent to the penalty box, giving Pabsty Cline a chance to retaliate by jamming solo the next jam. The penalty box began filling up again with Servin Justice, Grace Killy, and the mysterious Sea Hag. The teams were putting their all into it and halfway through we saw a 52 skater pileup, with over half the field tripped up and crashed on the floor. In the last jam, Servin Justice took down jammer Romaniac, and in turn Sexi Mexi took down 8’s jammer The Mechanic, but the 8’s skated to victory by four points.
“I was busy watching the lineup during 8s vs. Maidens, but I can say The Mechanic made a great comeback the 2nd half and Abba Zabba really will destroy you. The energy after the Shevils won was amazing. The entire crowd was cheering. Those patriotic ladies are going down in the championship though!” so says 8’s bench manager Jenerous Beatings.
This leads to an interesting showdown for the finals, January 26. The Shevil Knevils will take on the Crazy 8’s for the title. 8’s jammer Abba Zabba threatens, “Poop on the Shevils!” Knevil Captain Becky the Butcher has faith in her team, though and said to this reporter “You can just tell them the Shevils only win when it counts.”
The Rushin’ Rollettes will then play Maiden Milwaukee for third place. If this bout has proved anything, it’s that all bets are off!